Submitted for Peer Review: The Great Mattress Pad Experiment

[snugglekitty]

The Great Mattress Experiment: Tests in Cuddling and Fornication, by lady_anemone, BA, and trouble4hire, AB

This experiment was designed after a new memory foam mattress pad was bought to make a mattress more comfortable. Our research was made possible in part due to a generous grant from the prestigious Pet Foundation, as well as the MA Sales Tax Holiday.

Hypothesis 1: There is a discernible difference between the mattress by itself and the mattress with the mattress pad.
Hypothesis 2: The mattress will be more comfortable to lie on with the mattress pad.
Hypothesis 3: As proposed by our esteemed colleague jenaflynn, sex will be more difficult with a memory foam mattress pad.



Method:
To test hypothesis 2, experimenters will lie on mattress and rate for comfort on a ten-point scale. A rating of "one" will be equivalent to sleeping on the floor, a rating of "ten" will be equivalent to the comfiest bed ever. Then mattress pad will be inserted between experimenters and mattress for second comfort rating. Ratings will not be shared until close of experiment so as not to bias response.

To test hypothesis 3, experimenters will engage in fornication on mattress alone for not less than ten minutes in not less than 2 positions. Experience will be rated by each participant for enjoyment and difficulty. Then mattress pad will be inserted between experimenters and mattress. Similar positions will be used to make results more comparable.

If ratings differ signficantly in either part of the experiment, the primary hypothesis will be proven.

Part One: Cuddling

Without Mattress Pad With Mattress Pad
Experimenter One Rating 6 8
Experimenter Two Rating 6 8

Part Two: Fornication

Without Mattress Pad With Mattress Pad
Experimenter One -
Sex Enjoyment Rating 8 9
Sex Difficulty Rating 2 2
Experimenter Two -
Sex Enjoyment Rating 7 8.5
Sex Difficulty Rating 4 5
Number of Orgasms 7 9

Although no animals were harmed in the course of this experiment, a felis catus interrupted the proceedings. Although Her Royal Highness Suzuki did not deign to share a numerical comfort rating with the experimenters, she did headbutt Experimenter 2 three times in the hip before settling down to sleep on the mattress pad, which could be construed as a sign of approval for its presence.

Conclusions: Hypotheses 1 and 2 are proved. Results of hypothesis 3 are inconclusive. Experimenter 1 noted no difference in difficulty of sex. Experimenter 2 determined it was slightly harder to wiggle her hips on the mattress pad. However, the difference in ratings is not statistically significant. Hypothesis 3 has not been proved.
Further experimentation could include testing the mattress with the mattress pad initially and the mattress without the mattress pad subsequently, in case warming up was a factor. Better values should also be assigned to the ratings in the latter phase of the experiment, as this could account for experiential inconsistencies.

Appendix I - Materials List.

1 queen-sized mattress from Mattress Discounters (cheap!)
1 queen-sized memory foam mattress pad (on sale at Macy's)
1 set queen-sized sheets
2 pillows
1 clipboard (purple)
1 mechanical pencil
1 legal pad
2 experimenters
2 small pieces of paper

Appendix II - List of Positions.

Receptive partner on back, active partner lying beside.
Receptive partner on back, active partner kneeling between her legs.
Receptive partner on edge of bed, active partner bent over bed.
Receptive partner curled on side, active partner wrapped around her from behind.



This paper is publicly released for peer review as of August 20th, 2008. Your comments are appreciated.

Comments

[katjamama.livejournal.com]

is that total combined number of orgasms? shouldn't it match, to ensure statistical accuracy?
i'm not sure that the control in this experiment was adequate...it seems that the exercise needs redesign and retesting to ensure accurate results. also, these kinds of experiments should really be conducted over a significnat course of time: data collected in only two trials are not statistically relevant... you should probably enlist the experimenters in further study and...

;-)

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Actually, my co-experimenter made the same point about number of orgasms.

This is what happens when liberal arts majors design experiments. Heh heh. It was still fun, though.

[clonetwin.livejournal.com]

When will the federal government properly fund important research like this?

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Not under the current administration, of that I feel very confident. :)

Please resubmit.

[tsuj.livejournal.com]

*Your Appendix I is incomplete, as it neglected to list the felis catus.

*Additionally, the interpretation of said creature's headbutts followed by somnolence as approval, is incongruous with what is known about common feline demeanor. These actions may just as easily be viewed as a desire on the part of the cat to communicate boredom with activities not directly related to copious amounts of cat petting and feeding.

*This is a worthy undertaking, and we at the Kensington Institute for Nudely Kneeling Shenanigans feel that further investigation is required.

Recommendations:
*longitudinal study
*pre-feeding and petting of all felines on the premises