![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snugglekittyToday I finished reading Face to Face by Audrey Kishline and Sheryl Maloy. Wow. What an intense book, and it really has me thinking. I love it when a book makes me want to read other books, and it's rare when that happens for me with nonfiction. The last time it did, it started my "women and buddhism" reading kick, and I think this one is starting me on a topical arc of "models of addiction recovery." I want to know more, and soon I will.
Now, I have no significant direct experience of either of those subjects. I am not a Buddhist and happily I am not an alcoholic. No one in my family is alcoholic that I know of. I have two friends who are recovering alcoholics, and I once had a serious boyfriend who had a worsening drinking problem while we were together. Alcoholism has not touched my life deeply, but sometimes I just get... curious about something. Something piques my interest and I just keep going until the Elephant's Child is satisfied. So far, in this case, I have read one book and done a lot of Googling. I'm not even sure why I picked the book out - I was browsing new nonfiction and it just caught my eye.
Now back to the book.
Audry Kishline and Sheryl Maloy's lives were joined forever in the fateful moment that Kishline's pickup truck hit the car of Maloy's ex-husband, killing both the ex and Maloy's twelve-year-old daughter. The two women co-wrote this book, each from their own perspective, talking about the events that led up to the accident and how their lives changed after it. Kishline pled guilty to murder and went to prison. Maloy tried to cope with her grief, learning to be closer to God, and trying to be both mother and father to her remaining children. And then everything changed again, when Maloy decided that God's will was that she forgive Kishline.
"I realized that prison had an odd effect on me. In many ways it emancipated me. In a funny way I found myself in prison. I had spent years suppressed and living as someone I barely recognized...Life doesn't sink any lower than being in prison, and yet, being inside actually set me free because the person I really am emerged with the freedom to just be myself..I stopped pretending about myself to myself while I was in prison. There was no reason to keep up my charade. I no longer wanted to live a life of lies about myself." - Kishline, p 192-193
"I have spent much of the past five years defending my decision to forgive Audrey. I haven't been able to put my reasons into words until now..I know that God doesn't grade a sin like a teacher grades a math test. He doesn't categorize sin. By God's standards, sin is sin. Compared to his perfection, it is as much a sin to kill as it is to take the Lord's name in vain. The human consequences may be quite different, but in God's eyes, we all fall short." - Maloy, p 242-243
Not everything in this book fits with my own beliefs about life, and especially about spirituality. (I don't agree that we're all sinners in the eyes of God, or that driving drunk is ethically the same as shooting someone, for instance.) But I think it is an amazing story about two women doing the unthinkable (killing a child, forgiving a murderer), living through the unlivable (life in prison, life as a bereaved mother) and finding hope and forgiveness at the end of their journey. I can't imagine enduring what either of these women have endured. It also raised a lot of interesting questions about addiction and the recovery movement for me, although the book stays focused on the narrative and only brings up those topics as they pertain.
I think this book is really fascinating, and for the most part, it's well-written too. It made me hungry for more information, which I believe is one of the greatest gifts a book can bestow. Five stars.
For my next exploration into this topic, I plan to read Many Paths, One Journey by Charlotte Kasl and Sober for Good by Anne M. Fletcher. It seems to be tricky to find a balanced third-party view of AA - I was never aware of the controversies! - but perhaps something will come to light.
Now, I have no significant direct experience of either of those subjects. I am not a Buddhist and happily I am not an alcoholic. No one in my family is alcoholic that I know of. I have two friends who are recovering alcoholics, and I once had a serious boyfriend who had a worsening drinking problem while we were together. Alcoholism has not touched my life deeply, but sometimes I just get... curious about something. Something piques my interest and I just keep going until the Elephant's Child is satisfied. So far, in this case, I have read one book and done a lot of Googling. I'm not even sure why I picked the book out - I was browsing new nonfiction and it just caught my eye.
Now back to the book.
Audry Kishline and Sheryl Maloy's lives were joined forever in the fateful moment that Kishline's pickup truck hit the car of Maloy's ex-husband, killing both the ex and Maloy's twelve-year-old daughter. The two women co-wrote this book, each from their own perspective, talking about the events that led up to the accident and how their lives changed after it. Kishline pled guilty to murder and went to prison. Maloy tried to cope with her grief, learning to be closer to God, and trying to be both mother and father to her remaining children. And then everything changed again, when Maloy decided that God's will was that she forgive Kishline.
"I realized that prison had an odd effect on me. In many ways it emancipated me. In a funny way I found myself in prison. I had spent years suppressed and living as someone I barely recognized...Life doesn't sink any lower than being in prison, and yet, being inside actually set me free because the person I really am emerged with the freedom to just be myself..I stopped pretending about myself to myself while I was in prison. There was no reason to keep up my charade. I no longer wanted to live a life of lies about myself." - Kishline, p 192-193
"I have spent much of the past five years defending my decision to forgive Audrey. I haven't been able to put my reasons into words until now..I know that God doesn't grade a sin like a teacher grades a math test. He doesn't categorize sin. By God's standards, sin is sin. Compared to his perfection, it is as much a sin to kill as it is to take the Lord's name in vain. The human consequences may be quite different, but in God's eyes, we all fall short." - Maloy, p 242-243
Not everything in this book fits with my own beliefs about life, and especially about spirituality. (I don't agree that we're all sinners in the eyes of God, or that driving drunk is ethically the same as shooting someone, for instance.) But I think it is an amazing story about two women doing the unthinkable (killing a child, forgiving a murderer), living through the unlivable (life in prison, life as a bereaved mother) and finding hope and forgiveness at the end of their journey. I can't imagine enduring what either of these women have endured. It also raised a lot of interesting questions about addiction and the recovery movement for me, although the book stays focused on the narrative and only brings up those topics as they pertain.
I think this book is really fascinating, and for the most part, it's well-written too. It made me hungry for more information, which I believe is one of the greatest gifts a book can bestow. Five stars.
For my next exploration into this topic, I plan to read Many Paths, One Journey by Charlotte Kasl and Sober for Good by Anne M. Fletcher. It seems to be tricky to find a balanced third-party view of AA - I was never aware of the controversies! - but perhaps something will come to light.