might as well face it, you're addicted to...

[snugglekitty]

I was talking to 7j today about some reading I did online about sex addiction, and she asked if I was going to post about it. I said, "You think people would be interested in that?" and she said, "Definitely." So here I am, posting about it.

I want to say first that I don't identify as a sex addict. I don't feel that I have an unhealthy relationship with sex. I came to this topic through a series of unusual coincidences. I was getting my weekly dose of cuteness from Cute Overload, and saw an ad for "PORN: America's Addiction" with Glenn Beck. I clicked on it, mostly out of curiosity about what the spin was. Again, clicking for the sake of curiosity, I hit the "related link" Sexual Recovery Institute. By this point, and just by reading the captions, I was pretty sure that this was not what you could call unbiased or sex-positive. But it was like a car accident. I was horrified and fascinated, and kept clicking right through to the Women's Sexual Addiction Screening Test.



The test had twenty-five questions. They were quite broad. They were also focused on getting Yeses. There was no place to check "no" or "sometimes", only a box for "Yes." The questions also said have you ever done X, not is X a problem for you or do you do X all the time.

I answered Yes to nine of the twenty-five questions. The test results told me that I had a problem and needed help. Heh heh. My favorite objectionable questions:

Were you sexually abused as a child?
Have you ever stayed in an abusive romantic relationship? (Abuse is a problem, yeah. But it doesn't mean you're addicted to sex.)
Ever feel bad about your sexual behavior? (Who could say no to that question, huh? Who in this whole world has never ever felt bad about something in their sex life? Especially women, who have been taught that good girls don't.)
Do you have multiple romantic relationships?

It gets even more interesting when you compare it with the MSAST - the quiz written for men. That quiz has a whole different set of objectionable questions, including:

Have you subscribed to or regularly purchased porn?
Did your parents have problems in their sexual relationship? (If that's relevant for men, how could it not be relevant for women?)
Do you have trouble sustaining relationships after the sexual newness has worn off? (Since men in general are not taught how to sustain intimate relationships, again, this one is pretty much a gimme for your average guy. Again, not asked of women.)
Have you practiced unsafe sex, knowing it could be bad for your health?
Had sex with someone just because you were turned on and regretted it later? (Once again, I defy you to find me any sexually active adult who can say no to that question. Especially men, who are taught they should want sex all the time.)

So many problems, I hardly know where to begin. At this point, I'm starting to wonder if these particular people are a bunch of looneys, or if, in fact, the whole sex addiction thing is hooey. Tell me, Internet, tell me! Googling brought me to Sex Addicts Anonymous, which had a screening test very different from that of the so-called Sexual Recovery Institute. It asked sane, reasonable questions like, do your sexual practices make you keep secrets from people who are important to you? Does your interest in sex keep you from getting close to people? Do you feel ashamed of your sexuality and your body? That felt more like it was talking about people with problems, rather than people who just don't fit into mainstream norms about how much sex we should have, and what kind, and with who. By their definitions, I am not a sex addict. (And by my own, of course.)

I wrapped up my research with a look at Wikipedia. My favorite Internet encyclopedia tells me that not everyone believes that sex addiction exists, and in fact, it is not a disorder listed in the DMV or recognized by the APA. They also have a whole page on the controversy. (Interested readers, start here.)



Let me make it clear once again that this all happened because of my curiosity. I don't really have an agenda - I'm not saying that there aren't people who have an unhealthy relationship with sex. The trouble, in my opinion, is when it's other people who say you have one, especially when they don't know you and they also have religious or political beliefs that say some consensual adult sexual behavior is not okay. Bit of a conflict of interest, there.

Comments

[curly-chick.livejournal.com]

Hmmm...sexual recovery institute...I wonder if this site wasn't geared for the actual potential "addict" but his or her parents. In other words, it seems like something an outside person could answer about someone in his or her life. It seems ideal for a parent who doesn't like what his or her child prefers.

Yuck.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Totally. Or a spouse, or a friend. Double yuck.

[coraline]

once again, I defy you to find me any sexually active adult who can say no to that question.

ummm... *raises hand*

[dilletante.livejournal.com]

yeah. likewise the "have trouble maintaining relationships once the sexual newness has worn off"-- sorry, i don't experience that problem, nor (to my knowledge) do most of my male friends.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Good for you. :)

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Gotta admit, you weren't who I was thinking of when I wrote 'your average guy.' :)

[hir0protagonist.livejournal.com]

Is it just me or does the photo of Glenn Beck seem to be jamming his wedding ring in the viewer's face as much as his accusatory finger?

[chienne-folle.livejournal.com]

And question #2 is "Do you regularly purchase romance novels or sexually explicit magazines?"

I can see where the sex-negative brigade would find sexually explicit magazines to be a problem, but ROMANCE NOVELS? They're the path to addiction and perdition? They're the path to literary slumming, but that's completely different. :-)

[purplepathos.livejournal.com]

It's amazing how fast people are to pathologize others whose behavior and/or beliefs they don't understand or agree with.

[chienne-folle.livejournal.com]

I think projection probably has a lot to do with it. One of the ways that people deal with thoughts or feelings they find unacceptable is to pretend to themselves that THEY don't feel whatever it is -- it's those people out there who are like that. Our culture usually teaches us onto whom we should project each undesirable characteristic. You don't even have to believe the stereotypes to know who society says is dirty or which group is greedy, and so on for all of the unloved characteristics.

It seems that sexuality is especially difficult for the Bible-thumpers, and their subculture is teaching them to proejct unacceptable impulses onto folks like us. They learn that those liberal-queer-godless folks are doing everything to everybody in a perverted and disgusting way. (I wish! Ready and eager here! :-))

The cool thing about projection, from the point of view of the projector, is that it not only gets the "bad" characteristic away from you and onto someone else, but it also gives you a legitimate reason to be preoccupied with whatever the unlovely characteristic is. Goodness, we'd better picket porn shops and keep track of sexually-oriented websites, to make sure that THOSE PEOPLE aren't doing anything terrible. And so they get to hang out where the porn is, while still keeping their image as "pure" folk. Of course, you have to give up all knowledge of yourself and your inner process to pull this off, but some people seem to find it worth it.

Y'all may know all of this already, but just in case anybody had forgotten Psych 101, I thought I'd refresh your memories. :-) Freud was full of shit about a lot of things, but I think he got this one right.

[cheekymama.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Interesting. I answered yes to 5 questions, and was told I had a serious potential to be, or might already BE asex addict. Thats so funny. I'm an escapist, and a day dreamer sure...but a sex addict? Hmff. It'sjustlike those bastards at AA. Admitting is the first step, so if you dont admit theres a problem, then you're hiding something. Nevermind that you never took a drink in your life...but don't deny it! Argh.

[heresiarch.livejournal.com]

i think that Terry Real had a really good analysis of depression and unhealthy behaviors around sex (particularly, around the use of sex to deal with or avoid emotional pain). i don't recall the details right now, but i think the important point was that few people actually get "addicted" to sex in the way you can get hooked on alcohol or gambling, but that it is possible to engage in emotionally unhealthy sex when you have other issues going on. either way, people who are suffering depression benefit from therapeutic support, regardless of their sexual predilections.

i find the whole concept of "sex addiction" pretty suspect, though i admit, i also know nothing about it. but it always takes these perniciously sexist forms, like the idea that men can get "addicted" to pornography. the differences in the screening questions you posted are really disturbing in what they imply about gendered sexual norms.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

It's not just you. :)

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

I can see where the sex-negative brigade would find sexually explicit magazines to be a problem, but ROMANCE NOVELS? They're the path to addiction and perdition? They're the path to literary slumming, but that's completely different. :-)

Yeah. They even come in Christian flavors, these days, like the Love Comes Softly series.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

They learn that those liberal-queer-godless folks are doing everything to everybody in a perverted and disgusting way. (I wish! Ready and eager here! :-))

This made me giggle. :)

Carol Queen has a great essay about folks who want to suppress porn and their possible motivations in her anthology Real Live Nude Girl. It focuses a bit more on the political than the psychological. If you haven't encountered it, it's a good read.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

I know just what you mean. For some of the questions I answered, I thought, "Yes, that's related to an issue in my life but it's not because I'm addicted to sex."

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

the differences in the screening questions you posted are really disturbing in what they imply about gendered sexual norms.

I agree. That's why I thought it would be interesting to post some of the ones that didn't match up.

[dilletante.livejournal.com]

well, thanks, i think. :) but i don't think the actual average conforms to this stereotype either. it's fair to say that our society's gender roles push men somewhat in that direction; but our society's gender roles push women somewhat towards bulimia, also, yet the average woman is not in fact bulimic.

and for the ones who are, the fact that society subtly encourages it doesn't make it any less of a pathology. it may make it a more salient pathology for women than for men, though-- even as you appear to actually agree with the questionnaire's authors that having trouble maintaining relationships once the sexual newness has worn off is a more salient problem for men than for women.

at best, maybe you disagree that it's a pathology? i'd have said it's at least as likely to be a sign of immaturity as "addiction". but surely a problem, either way.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

even as you appear to actually agree with the questionnaire's authors that having trouble maintaining relationships once the sexual newness has worn off is a more salient problem for men than for women.

Hmm. I'm not sure that I do think that. I was addressing the question as it was written, which was directed at men. I think that this is a problem for people who are not good at emotional intimacy, and many men are not good at emotional intimacy because they haven't been trained in it. On the more personal level, I think I've known equal numbers of men and women who've had this problem.

at best, maybe you disagree that it's a pathology? i'd have said it's at least as likely to be a sign of immaturity as "addiction". but surely a problem, either way.

I think pathology is a pretty strong word. I'd probably just say, yes, it's a problem, but not necessarily one stemming from sexual addiction.

I've been seeing ads on the bus for studies of various psychological disorders recently. "Do you have difficulty concentrating?" and things like that. Often, I can easily think of many disorders unrelated to the issue that the ad is looking for that have similar or even identical symptoms. The study may be on ADD, but difficulty concentrating can also be a symptom of depression, PTSD, and probably a host of other things.

See what I'm getting at?

[chienne-folle.livejournal.com]

Anybody can make up a questionnaire; magazine writers do it all the time. That doesn't mean that there's anything real or valid about it, and it doesn't mean that it's taken seriously by anyone who knows anything.

The questionnaires that mental health professionals use have to have a bunch of studies backing them up.* They have to give the questionnaire to a bunch of people who they know are sex addicted and a bunch who they know are not and make sure that the questionnaire adequately distinguishes between the two groups. They have to calibrate the scoring to the differences between real-world people who have an addiction-like relationship to sex and those who don't. And more kinds of studies that I won't bore you with. I haven't looked this particular questionnaire up, but I strongly doubt that they've done ANY of the studies that make people in the know take a questionnaire seriously. It's all hot air, with no more validity than having Brother Jed tell you that you're going to Hell. :-)

So, if it's all hot air, we can blow some their way. Wanna make a questionnaire that searches for the "sexual phobia" pathology that we just made up? :-) That's all THEY did.

1. Have you ever refrained from having sex with someone with whom you had a mutual attraction, because you were afraid of what might happen afterwards?

2. Have you ever found pornography disturbing or disgusting?

It's very easy to write questions that almost everyone will say "yes" to, then diagnose them with something. Completely bogus.

*I made up a questionnaire as part of my dissertation in social psychology, so I know whereof I speak.

[mrpet.livejournal.com]

ROMANCE NOVELS
Fabio is just a gateway to the more harder stuff ;)

[chienne-folle.livejournal.com]

*laugh*

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

(if this attempt doesn't work, i'm going to stop trying to reply to the comment for a simple "me too")

*raises hand as well*

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Okay, clearly that's not as prevalent as I thought. :)

Re: Sex addiction is real and it sucks

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Thanks for weighing in. Best of luck with your journey.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Heh! Thanks for sharing. I'll throw in a few more bogus questions:

3. Have you ever felt uncomfortable when a friend or partner wanted to talk about sex?

4. Have you ever judged or rejected someone because of the kind of sexual practices they engage in?