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snugglekitty1. Why did you decide to become a doula?
2. Do you ever want children of your own?
3. Did you choose to be poly, or do you think that poly is part of who you are at a fundamental level?
4. What is one of your favorite myths?
5. Do you have a secret name that you call yourself? (You don't have to tell me what it is, I'm just curious.) If so, when do you use it?
1. Why did you decide to become a doula?
I thought that I might like to be a midwife, and becoming a doula seemed like it would be a good way to get my feet wet. Now that I'm doing it, I might just continue - it seems a lot less stressful than midwifery. There's less liability, and you need less training. Why I thought I might like to be a midwife - I really enjoy being with women, and wanted to work with women. I also wanted to work with sexuality, but indirectly. This seemed like an interesting way of doing that.
2. Do you ever want children of your own?
Sometimes. I go back and forth about this. I'll have to decide in five years or so. I don't like the way moms over 35 get treated by the establishment.
Now that I work with parents, it seems like a really exhausting process, and the rewards are... well. I know that parents feel the rewards are worth it, but from the outside, it doesn't seem obvious.
If I could go through the process of pregnancy and childbirth, without then being responsible for a baby, I would. I'd like to have the experience personally, people ask if you have, if my job. But I'm not sure that's a good enough reason to actually have a child.
3. Did you choose to be poly, or do you think that poly is part of who you are at a fundamental level?
Fundamentally, I am attracted to many people at one time. Fundamentally, I desire emotional connections with many people at one time. I don't think that this makes me fundamentally poly, because there are people who make monogamy work under those circumstances. So I guess I would say that I choose to be poly. But, given the way that monogamy is done in our culture versus what I thought it should be like, to be monogamous makes me miserable. That myth about "you're with someone and then you never want anyone else ever again" always made me feel wracked with guilt. I know most monogamous people don't think this way, mostly it either happens that way for them naturally or they think it's okay to have attractions as long as you don't act on them, but I couldn't get it out of my head.
I had this theory for a while about experimenting with monogamy every five years. "Maybe the institution will change, or I will change," I thought. Year twenty was such an unmitigated disaster that I decided to skip year twenty-five. Now I'm twenty-eight. Something inside me has shifted, and I don't think I'll ever want to try it again. I'm too happy with where I am and how I live my life.
4. What is one of your favorite myths?
Inanna's descent into the underworld is my favorite myth of all time. I think I was talking to you about it a little while ago. Anyhow, I recently participated in a pageant of the myth, and you can see the script here. The script is not work safe, although most versions of the myth are.
Basically, it's about a powerful goddess choosing to face the dark side of life, and what she learns from the experience. It resonates a lot with me.
5. Do you have a secret name that you call yourself? (You don't have to tell me what it is, I'm just curious.) If so, when do you use it?
No, I don't have a secret name. I chose one when I was a Pretentious Pagan Teenager but I haven't used it in a long time. Then, I used it in ritual. But now I just use Honey, since that's how I think of myself.
2. Do you ever want children of your own?
3. Did you choose to be poly, or do you think that poly is part of who you are at a fundamental level?
4. What is one of your favorite myths?
5. Do you have a secret name that you call yourself? (You don't have to tell me what it is, I'm just curious.) If so, when do you use it?
1. Why did you decide to become a doula?
I thought that I might like to be a midwife, and becoming a doula seemed like it would be a good way to get my feet wet. Now that I'm doing it, I might just continue - it seems a lot less stressful than midwifery. There's less liability, and you need less training. Why I thought I might like to be a midwife - I really enjoy being with women, and wanted to work with women. I also wanted to work with sexuality, but indirectly. This seemed like an interesting way of doing that.
2. Do you ever want children of your own?
Sometimes. I go back and forth about this. I'll have to decide in five years or so. I don't like the way moms over 35 get treated by the establishment.
Now that I work with parents, it seems like a really exhausting process, and the rewards are... well. I know that parents feel the rewards are worth it, but from the outside, it doesn't seem obvious.
If I could go through the process of pregnancy and childbirth, without then being responsible for a baby, I would. I'd like to have the experience personally, people ask if you have, if my job. But I'm not sure that's a good enough reason to actually have a child.
3. Did you choose to be poly, or do you think that poly is part of who you are at a fundamental level?
Fundamentally, I am attracted to many people at one time. Fundamentally, I desire emotional connections with many people at one time. I don't think that this makes me fundamentally poly, because there are people who make monogamy work under those circumstances. So I guess I would say that I choose to be poly. But, given the way that monogamy is done in our culture versus what I thought it should be like, to be monogamous makes me miserable. That myth about "you're with someone and then you never want anyone else ever again" always made me feel wracked with guilt. I know most monogamous people don't think this way, mostly it either happens that way for them naturally or they think it's okay to have attractions as long as you don't act on them, but I couldn't get it out of my head.
I had this theory for a while about experimenting with monogamy every five years. "Maybe the institution will change, or I will change," I thought. Year twenty was such an unmitigated disaster that I decided to skip year twenty-five. Now I'm twenty-eight. Something inside me has shifted, and I don't think I'll ever want to try it again. I'm too happy with where I am and how I live my life.
4. What is one of your favorite myths?
Inanna's descent into the underworld is my favorite myth of all time. I think I was talking to you about it a little while ago. Anyhow, I recently participated in a pageant of the myth, and you can see the script here. The script is not work safe, although most versions of the myth are.
Basically, it's about a powerful goddess choosing to face the dark side of life, and what she learns from the experience. It resonates a lot with me.
5. Do you have a secret name that you call yourself? (You don't have to tell me what it is, I'm just curious.) If so, when do you use it?
No, I don't have a secret name. I chose one when I was a Pretentious Pagan Teenager but I haven't used it in a long time. Then, I used it in ritual. But now I just use Honey, since that's how I think of myself.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-25 07:45 pm (UTC)I'm curious to hear more about the way you think monogamy is done in our culture vs. the way you think it should be like. I mean, that myth that you mention is totally that, just a myth. Is that what you mean about the way it's done in culture, the "one perfect person" thing?
A friend who has been married for many years said to me once that being with his wife was a choice, straight up, no question about it. "There are many people who would be equally good," he told me, "but I've got a really good thing going with this one."
no subject
Date: 2005-10-25 07:52 pm (UTC)In my experience, actual people who are monogamous, when they talk about their relationship, don't talk about it that way. That model is much more positive. But it's also harder to find, because lots of people don't like talking about their relationships.
Did that make sense?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-25 08:12 pm (UTC)So, my next question (unless you're sick of questions, which is totally OK! don't feel obliged to answer if you don't want to) is -- certainly there are parts of popular culture that you've reclaimed, right? Certainly (at least, as I see it) you've reclaimed religion, career, sexual preference from mainstream culture and redefined them to suit your own fabulous self.
So why is monogamy different? I mean, I agree with you that the way it's usually portrayed in non-real-life settings is ridiculous. But why is this particular model one that you reject, rather than redefine? You even acknowledge the disconnect between the stories and the reality -- is it that the stories are so pervasive and noxious to you that they drown out the reality, and so make the entire concept depressing?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-25 08:17 pm (UTC)I guess the reason that I have rejected it as a personal choice, rather than seeking to redefine it, is that I found polyamory as an alternative, and love that lifestyle now that I've found it. If I had to be monogamous, I would find a way to make it work. But since I don't have to be, I don't.