tribal characteristics

[snugglekitty]

What do you look for in potential members of your tribe or chosen family? Or, what traits have you noticed seem to pop up over and over again?

When I think about it, it seems to me that my tribe places high value on people who are affectionate, low-drama, well-spoken and/or witty, crafty and/or geeky, strongly commited to honesty, and who like parties. Naturally many of our members also share a bunch of our identity labels (after all, if you're not a kinky poly slut, how'd you wind up in bed with us anyway? And although most of us are bi, we include mono-preferential queer folks but not straight ones.). There also seems to be a correlation with non-smoking, social drinking, and being cute. Plus, winter birthdays... no, I'm just kidding.

It does occur to me that this matches pretty well with what I look for in my partners. So I guess it could just be that Honey approval is the real qualifying factor, but I'd like to think I'm not that shallow.

Comments

do you really get to choose your tribe?

[dilletante.livejournal.com]

you've phrased the question in a way that implies that you do. but whenever i hear someone talking about tribes i think about the quote, "home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

sadly, i heard it in the days before i believed in attribution, so i can't tell you who said it. but i was right in thinking that its truth didn't depend on who spoke.

i might have to say gamers are my "tribe," because i feel a kinship with them even if i dislike them. you know?

my friends, my family-- of course dilletante approval is a qualifying factor for them, by definition. but my extended social circle... i'm not really sure. and for tighter than the broad social circle, well... there are lots of factors, but i think shared experiences are a big one.

i think shared experiences are big for everyone.

Re: do you really get to choose your tribe?

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I know what you mean, and it's an interesting question, but I think I'm talking about something else.

I think I would call what you're talking about a community or a social scene.

Re: do you really get to choose your tribe?

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Okay, I realized that question didn't answer anything. I'm talking about a small, closely-knit group of people that are connected in some way. "Chosen family" would be another way to describe it, perhaps, although I don't think they mean exactly the same thing.

Re: do you really get to choose your tribe?

[dilletante.livejournal.com]

yeah, so, i'm trying to figure out what in my mental landscape approaches what you mean.

my main gauge is that, as i indicated above, i think an important feature of truly strong bonds is that you cannot easily sever them. for me to consider a group a "tribe" it would have to be the case that there was at least one member i disliked, or disliked strongly something about, but considered myself tied to them anyway.

my friends from college-- undergrad-- may be such a group; although i haven't come to dislike any of them, we certainly have political disagreements. we were brought together by common interests and common tastes, and chose to associate-- many of us shared a dorm suite which we picked for that reason-- and stayed together from common temperament. but we also had significant shared experiences, and those are at least the... easiest reference points for the bond between us.

you're being all insightful and stuff...

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

so now I have to Friend you.

But anyway. I don't judge bonds on the basis of severability. I judge them more on the basis of ... health? Functionality? Something like that. Probably because I'm a person that can feel okay about walking away from almost any situation if I decide it's not good for me.

[trouble4hire.livejournal.com]

It does occur to me that this matches pretty well with what I look for in my partners. So I guess it could just be that Honey approval is the real qualifying factor, but I'd like to think I'm not that shallow.

What do your other partners look for in members of the tribe? Is it very different?