two books and one movie
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snugglekittySo, Happy Policeman by Patricia Anthony was the weirdest book I've read all summer.
"Who killed the Mary Kay lady?" with aliens. It made my head hurt, but in kind of a good way. I think I recommend it, but... yeah. It was a difficult book. I couldn't read it all at once.
Daughters of Darkness by LJ Smith was pure trash. Trashy trashy YA romance trash with vampires. It was good, if you like that sort of thing.
Last night I watched Closer with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
redjo. It was... um... not exactly cheerful. You could see it as a stunning critique on monogamy. Or you could see it as an indictment of the whole human race. Film noir done in a romantic comedy style - the comedy bit kind of falls away. It was pretty depressing. It makes me very glad that I'm not a monogamous person. It portrayed both sex and honesty as incredibly destructive forces, that rip apart relationships and break people's trust in each other. I don't think it has to be that way. Our way is better. Honesty can be gentle and welcome - it's not always a weapon. But then, of course, all of us poly people are consenting. Someone in a monogamous relationship is not consenting to their partner's others.
I find it interesting and cool, but occaisionally disturbing, that a well-written book or movie can pull you in to its worldview. I first noticed this while reading Bridget Jones' Diary. While I was in it, I felt myself pulled into Bridget's neuroses. Thinking about calories, weight, in a way I never would choose to do. Well, Closer made me feel kind of the same way - as though I was living that kind of life myself. It took me a while to get back to myself. Oddly, one of my reassurances was a joke that7j had told me yesterday while we were having lunch. A disconsolate man is sent a hooker by his best friend. He's upset because he found out his girlfriend cheated on him. He says, "What would you do if your boyfriend slept with someone else?" to the hooker, and she says, "I don't know - play with her nipples?" I laughed, because yup, that's my life, and anything else at this point would just feel odd. I guess, having had this identity for so long, I no longer feel like I'm the odd one. The rest of the (straight monogamous) world seems screwed up to me.
"Who killed the Mary Kay lady?" with aliens. It made my head hurt, but in kind of a good way. I think I recommend it, but... yeah. It was a difficult book. I couldn't read it all at once.
Daughters of Darkness by LJ Smith was pure trash. Trashy trashy YA romance trash with vampires. It was good, if you like that sort of thing.
Last night I watched Closer with
redjo. It was... um... not exactly cheerful. You could see it as a stunning critique on monogamy. Or you could see it as an indictment of the whole human race. Film noir done in a romantic comedy style - the comedy bit kind of falls away. It was pretty depressing. It makes me very glad that I'm not a monogamous person. It portrayed both sex and honesty as incredibly destructive forces, that rip apart relationships and break people's trust in each other. I don't think it has to be that way. Our way is better. Honesty can be gentle and welcome - it's not always a weapon. But then, of course, all of us poly people are consenting. Someone in a monogamous relationship is not consenting to their partner's others.I find it interesting and cool, but occaisionally disturbing, that a well-written book or movie can pull you in to its worldview. I first noticed this while reading Bridget Jones' Diary. While I was in it, I felt myself pulled into Bridget's neuroses. Thinking about calories, weight, in a way I never would choose to do. Well, Closer made me feel kind of the same way - as though I was living that kind of life myself. It took me a while to get back to myself. Oddly, one of my reassurances was a joke that
7j had told me yesterday while we were having lunch. A disconsolate man is sent a hooker by his best friend. He's upset because he found out his girlfriend cheated on him. He says, "What would you do if your boyfriend slept with someone else?" to the hooker, and she says, "I don't know - play with her nipples?" I laughed, because yup, that's my life, and anything else at this point would just feel odd. I guess, having had this identity for so long, I no longer feel like I'm the odd one. The rest of the (straight monogamous) world seems screwed up to me.
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-01 03:54 pm (UTC)Well, I don't consider myself straight, but I am living in a straight marriage, which is also monogamous, and it is hardly screwed up.
For us. It took a messy poly experience (a couple, actually) to work through what was best for us though.
I am a frim believer in doing what is best for YOU (parenting, relationships, etc) so, *shrug*.
I don't feel screwed up though, really!
:-p
no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 11:32 am (UTC)It's the kind of monogamy (perhaps I should have said "monogamy") where people are still having sex with others and lying about it that I find really screwed up. The kind where sex and love are used as manipulation tools to hurt the other person. The kind that thinks it's the only right way (and this segment, unfortunately, seems to include the majority of monogamous people). NOT the kind where you chose it from several options on the buffet table and it's what works best for you and what works best for other people is fine too.
I think you guys have a great relationship that's not at all screwed up.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 12:29 pm (UTC)I think anyone who says their way is the right way for EVERYONE tends to be a little screwed up. ;-) And yeah, you're right, most monogamous mainstream people tend to act this way...one of my friends told me she doesn't even consider Joe & I monogamous. Haha.
There are many spectrums of monogamy, I guess.
And I have to say, it was you and
no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 01:59 pm (UTC)I agree. I don't think poly is right for everyone, either. What I advocate is having reasons for your choices and respecting the ones others make.
And I have to say, it was you and mrpet who first showed me that poly relationships could actually be functionable AND healthy, so yay to you! :-)
Well, thanks. :) We try.