random acts of...

[snugglekitty]

On Saturday night gentlescholar and I were walking to a party. We saw three teenagers coming toward us. Something in the set of their shoulders alarmed me. I went on high alert and took his hand. Both of us have our own reasons for being alert to hostile body language.

They came closer, and I started to think nothing would happen, they didn't meet our eyes. Then, just as they passed us, they all raised their arms and yelled "Rar!" Thinking to frighten us, I suppose. Instinctively, I yelled back "FUCK YOU!"

Then they were past us, their body language a little sheepish now, and we went into the party.

A few years ago I would have cringed away, or ran and then cried the rest of the day. I'm glad that isn't my response anymore - but I wish I could imagine any response to that kind of situation that would be compassionate and protective at the same time.

Comments

[intuition-ist.livejournal.com]

hm... well, they were being menacing to total strangers. i think they got off quite lightly. they had no idea who either of you were -- you could have been armed...

[gentlescholar.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you are so much stronger now.

I forget what I yelled at them...my reaction is improved too, but in a different direction. A few years ago, I would have been on a hair-trigger to attack or defend, and would be watching for any targets of opportunity--someone in the pack I could cripple with one strike. And I too would have been obsessing about it, shaking for hours from the strain of holding back my own violent impulses.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

"And I too would have been obsessing about it, shaking for hours from the strain of holding back my own violent impulses."

That's a good point. Honestly, a few minutes after it happened I just put it from my mind, and didn't think about it again until today.

[gentlescholar.livejournal.com]

Happily, likewise.

[findingthegirl.livejournal.com]

I'm proud of you for this. Your reaction was very brave and strong. I send you a big hug. :)

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Thanks for saying that. Good point.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

You deserve applause. Not so much for returning hostility with hostility, but for not backing down or accepting victimization. This icon is for you.

You are so much stronger than you know.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, weegee. *hugs* That means a lot.

Maybe this is another stage in the process. Maybe in a few years I'll know better how to stand firm without hostility.