I take your question to mean: Who are you more worried will violate your boundaries? I feel that people who know my boundaries are less likely to violate them.
However, your question could mean: What would upset you more, having your boundaries violated by someone who knows them or someone who doesn't?
The answer to that question is that I'd be more upset if someone who knows them were to violate them, because they should know better and respect them.
I don't know how to answer that because I don't have confidence in pretty much anyone else knowing exactly where my boundaries are, so I'm not sure who'd be in that first set.
I'm more concerned about violations by people who don't care enough to respect "default boundaries", irrespective of what they know about me personally.
I feel that my partners know my boundaries and I trust my partners to respect them.
It's strangers and acquaintances I worry about.
At events and parties I do a lot of pick-up play (at least that's what people have told me I do) where I meet someone and play with them.
Since these people have just met me, they don't really know me all that well. And we don't always have a long discussion about boundaries. I mean, for example, if it's a spanking scene I wouldn't discuss my emotional boundaries. But they might take it into a direction we didn't discuss and then might violate a boundary.
The other situation at parties and events is where some random person comes up and does something to me out of the blue. This happens from time to time, anything from having my butt pinched to having my nipple stapled without my permission.
So I have learned to be on my guard around strangers.
And now I'm curious about why you'd be worried that people who know your boundaries would violate them.
And now I'm curious about why you'd be worried that people who know your boundaries would violate them.
I recently read a quote that said that marriage is about not saying and doing things to your mate that you know will hurt them deeply, not even when you're angry. That marriage gives you "privileged information" on what's not okay with someone, their deepest fears, and that part of a successful marriage is agreeing not to use that information as a weapon.
Anyway, this made me think about whether people are more concerned about XRandomDude doing something inappropriate, or people close to them, either not remembering or out of anger.
So, when I first read this question, I answered to myself: "People who don't know where they are, because they simply lack knowledge."
But when I filled out the poll, I said/voted quite differently.
It was... odd. I wonder which one was the honest answer?
I guess... the real answer is, both. I'm scared of the people who don't know them, but specifically the people I trust who don't. The implication there is that they wouldn't know because I failed to tell them. That is my great worry.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2009-04-01 01:04 am (UTC)However, your question could mean: What would upset you more, having your boundaries violated by someone who knows them or someone who doesn't?
The answer to that question is that I'd be more upset if someone who knows them were to violate them, because they should know better and respect them.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-01 01:33 am (UTC)I'm more concerned about violations by people who don't care enough to respect "default boundaries", irrespective of what they know about me personally.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-01 02:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 04:25 pm (UTC)I feel that my partners know my boundaries and I trust my partners to respect them.
It's strangers and acquaintances I worry about.
At events and parties I do a lot of pick-up play (at least that's what people have told me I do) where I meet someone and play with them.
Since these people have just met me, they don't really know me all that well. And we don't always have a long discussion about boundaries. I mean, for example, if it's a spanking scene I wouldn't discuss my emotional boundaries. But they might take it into a direction we didn't discuss and then might violate a boundary.
The other situation at parties and events is where some random person comes up and does something to me out of the blue. This happens from time to time, anything from having my butt pinched to having my nipple stapled without my permission.
So I have learned to be on my guard around strangers.
And now I'm curious about why you'd be worried that people who know your boundaries would violate them.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 05:21 pm (UTC)I recently read a quote that said that marriage is about not saying and doing things to your mate that you know will hurt them deeply, not even when you're angry. That marriage gives you "privileged information" on what's not okay with someone, their deepest fears, and that part of a successful marriage is agreeing not to use that information as a weapon.
Anyway, this made me think about whether people are more concerned about XRandomDude doing something inappropriate, or people close to them, either not remembering or out of anger.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 03:37 am (UTC)But when I filled out the poll, I said/voted quite differently.
It was... odd. I wonder which one was the honest answer?
I guess... the real answer is, both. I'm scared of the people who don't know them, but specifically the people I trust who don't. The implication there is that they wouldn't know because I failed to tell them. That is my great worry.