poly question from bossym
Mar. 17th, 2008 01:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snugglekittyWhat do you like about polyamory? Why is it a good choice for you?
This is a well-phrased question, for sure. My first instinct was to answer with the ways that monogamy doesn't work for me, but that's not really what you're asking.
- I like having friendships with people who are involved with the people that I am involved with.
- I like eating my cake and having it, too.
- I like there being more possible categories for people to fall into than "partner" and "friend." I feel like there is more diversity in the types of relationships that are available when you can have more than one.
- I like having a tribe, having an easy social group where you can count on people. I know poly isn't the only way of doing that, by any stretch, but it makes it fairly easy and natural for me.
- I love that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mrpet's other partner enjoys going to company functions with him. It's so great to not have to do that.
- I love that if both he and get sick, there are other people to take care of us.
- I think that polyamory causes the involved parties to work harder at making sure their needs get met.
- I also think it inspires pretty intense amounts of communication, which I feel is good.
Polyamory is a good choice for me for a number of reasons. One is that I am always attracted to and interested in lots of people. When that came up during monogamy, I didn't cheat, but I always felt conflicted and guilty about my attractions. With polyamory, I can act on those attractions, or just feel them in their fullness, without threatening the stability of my partnership.
Also, I need a fair amount of attention, energy, pampering, and sex, compared to most people. In monogamy I felt somewhat codependent and also like I had to ask a lot of my partner. With polyamory, I can spread it around over more people. I also am more aware of my own responsibility for getting my needs met - when I was monogamous, I basically wanted the other person to do it for me.
I am an eclectic person, with a lot of interests and different things that I like to do - it would be hard to find just one person who liked all of that stuff, but with polyamory, I don't have to.
I also like the way that polyamory has a culture of openness and honesty about sex and the internal workings of relationships. Those are both important to me. I think that my learning to negotiate about them has helped me learn to negotiate other kinds of social and emotional transactions in my life, to make sure everyone's needs get met, including mine.
I'm sure that one could say that there are ways to have most of these things in a monogamous relationship. Say, that you don't act on your attractions, but it's okay for you to talk to your partner about them... you get other needs met through friendships, not relationships... you don't assume you have to share all your partner's interests. I also don't think that monogamy is bad or that everyone should be poly. Goddess knows, managing multiple relationships, especially in a culture that promotes monogamy as the only right way, is a lot of work; you should only do it if you really love it. But I do.
This is your last chance to ask me a question month question. Tomorrow I will be closing the "question box" and taking a break for a few days. Until then, go here.
This is a well-phrased question, for sure. My first instinct was to answer with the ways that monogamy doesn't work for me, but that's not really what you're asking.
- I like having friendships with people who are involved with the people that I am involved with.
- I like eating my cake and having it, too.
- I like there being more possible categories for people to fall into than "partner" and "friend." I feel like there is more diversity in the types of relationships that are available when you can have more than one.
- I like having a tribe, having an easy social group where you can count on people. I know poly isn't the only way of doing that, by any stretch, but it makes it fairly easy and natural for me.
- I love that
mrpet's other partner enjoys going to company functions with him. It's so great to not have to do that.- I love that if both he and get sick, there are other people to take care of us.
- I think that polyamory causes the involved parties to work harder at making sure their needs get met.
- I also think it inspires pretty intense amounts of communication, which I feel is good.
Polyamory is a good choice for me for a number of reasons. One is that I am always attracted to and interested in lots of people. When that came up during monogamy, I didn't cheat, but I always felt conflicted and guilty about my attractions. With polyamory, I can act on those attractions, or just feel them in their fullness, without threatening the stability of my partnership.
Also, I need a fair amount of attention, energy, pampering, and sex, compared to most people. In monogamy I felt somewhat codependent and also like I had to ask a lot of my partner. With polyamory, I can spread it around over more people. I also am more aware of my own responsibility for getting my needs met - when I was monogamous, I basically wanted the other person to do it for me.
I am an eclectic person, with a lot of interests and different things that I like to do - it would be hard to find just one person who liked all of that stuff, but with polyamory, I don't have to.
I also like the way that polyamory has a culture of openness and honesty about sex and the internal workings of relationships. Those are both important to me. I think that my learning to negotiate about them has helped me learn to negotiate other kinds of social and emotional transactions in my life, to make sure everyone's needs get met, including mine.
I'm sure that one could say that there are ways to have most of these things in a monogamous relationship. Say, that you don't act on your attractions, but it's okay for you to talk to your partner about them... you get other needs met through friendships, not relationships... you don't assume you have to share all your partner's interests. I also don't think that monogamy is bad or that everyone should be poly. Goddess knows, managing multiple relationships, especially in a culture that promotes monogamy as the only right way, is a lot of work; you should only do it if you really love it. But I do.
This is your last chance to ask me a question month question. Tomorrow I will be closing the "question box" and taking a break for a few days. Until then, go here.