drama on LJ

[snugglekitty]

I've been noticing some flamefests on LJ recently. Specifically, in the knitting community wrt the endless debate between wool and acrylic, and in some nearby journals to do with a party with a closed invite list.

Somehow, so far, I have managed to not get sucked into any LJ drama. I thought I would post my personal guidelines for LJ drama avoidance. This is NOT directed at anyone. (I'd be surprised if anyone directly involved in either argument read this post, so I really mean that.) I am just musing about what I think creates drama.



1) If you are unhappy with someone, tell them personally, don't write it in your journal (or their journal). Many times I have been tempted to break this rule but so far I haven't, and I'm really, really glad. It seems like this has the power to exacerbate situations exponentially.
2) As suggested by redjo, don't post anything negative that is vague. If you write something like, "I'm feeling angry at someone right now," chances are a bunch of people will assume it's directed at them even though it's probably not. So, just write "I'm feeling angry at my boss" or "I'm feeling grouchy because I had a fight with my primary."
3) Don't post anything negative about anyone you have a personal relationship with, unless a) neither they nor anyone they know have a LJ (like, my parents for instance) or b) they are already aware of your concerns
4) If you wouldn't write it in an email to a mailing list, don't write it publicly
5) Think seriously about the effect of your tone. This is driving me crazy about the knitting community. There are ways to write things that will encourage dialogue and help people to understand your point of view. There are other ways to write things that will only keep the flames coming.
6) Think seriously again about the effect of your tone. Do you honestly think that your comment is going to advance a discussion in progress? If not, don't make it.
7) Keep your journal focused on yourself. That's kind of the point of having a journal, right?
8) Filter your posts where appropriate. If you need to exclude someone from an event or an area of your life, do so completely. In the inevitable cases where they will find out and be upset, you should be willing and able to explain this honestly and without being harsh.



This is the main reason that I avoided getting a livejournal for a really long time. I'm glad it's not as much of a problem as I thought it would be. But I imagine most people could benefit, not from my guidelines, but from their own consideration of what THEIR guidelines are or should be. I would be interested in hearing about other people's guidelines, if they'd like to share them.

Comments

[beowabbit]

I’ve been really lucky; I haven’t stumbled into much LJ drama, despite the fact that I don’t self-censor much. I did have one piece recently, but it became an opportunity to clear the air with somebody. This despite the fact that before I got an LJ account I used to think of it as “LiveJournal: The Psychodrama Tool”.

Maybe I’m just too clueless to recognize drama when I’m in it.

[kahoki.livejournal.com]

Good points to make. I tend to oread and comment on friends LJs more than I write in my own, and sometimes reflect on not having written about something only to realizze that having some degree of privacy in your life is a good thing rather than have most of the personal details presented as broadcast news.

[starphire.livejournal.com]

Haha. My first perception of LJ (well, first two perceptions actually) was the same: "community psychodrama tool". It took a while to replace that perception with a more positive and balanced model of a "community communication tool".

[starphire.livejournal.com]

yes. Good points all, esp. the unnumbered one at the end about people considering what their guidelines should be. I think most people seem to manage that pretty well, and I've actually seen lj used less often as a forum for psychodrama than I did when I started reading it 4 years ago. I take that as a sign that people are more aware of how lj SHOULDN'T be used.

[aillecat.livejournal.com]

I personally like to keep my journal positive, for venting I have very very specific filters these days.

Sometimes I fall short of the mark, I'm human, but there has been very little drama associated with my journal since I closed my last one and opened a new "friends-only" one.