gender and the body
Apr. 30th, 2007 04:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snugglekittyIn the "thoughtful liberal nonfiction" category, this week I read She's Not the Man I Married by Helen Boyd and The Body Sacred by Dianne Sylvan.
For those who are familiar with Boyd's work, this second book is much in the spirit of My Husband Betty, but with a narrower focus. Here, Boyd chooses to zero in on her relationship with her husband and the challenges that she and Betty face in trying to deal with Betty's transness. I continue to be frustrated by the way Boyd extrapolates her own experiences out to other partners of trans folks. I realize that her partner being trans is very difficult for her, and she does try to say that it's not that way for everyone. But I still noticed it, especially when she wrote that all partners of transfolk and crossdressers must reevaluate their own genders and sexual orientations. I think it's less problematic for people who already consider themselves queer and polyamorous and view gender as a complex process rather than a binary. But maybe it's just that I've been dating transfolk for a really long time - my second serious relationship was with one.
More generally, I didn't think that this book was as strong as the first one. The first one was strengthened greatly by Boyd's quotes from the experiences of other transfolk and their partners. The second has terrific footnotes - the book is worth reading just for them - but is much more centered in Boyd's own experiences, even though there's not a ton of new material there. The first book got five stars but this one only gets three. It's still worth reading, if you want to find out what the "next chapter" of the story is.
The Body Sacred by Dianne Sylvan is a book for women about body image, written from a pagan perspective. I read it in chunks, so that I would have time to think through each new idea. Much of what is in this book is basic and you've probably heard a lot of it before. What sets this book apart are the quotes, excercises, and chapter notes. Sylvan includes quotes from both famous people and women she interviewed about their body image. Excercises range from practical suggestions to guided visualizations. Most can be done alone, a few are for use with a circle, group of women, or partner. I liked them a lot and hope to try them out.
I felt that some of the assumptions in this book were a little too easy. It's a book for women, but Sylvan never talks about different options for gender expression (beyond encouraging you to wear what makes you feel fabulous). The excercise where she tries to get you to visualize what it might be like to be attracted to someone of the same gender also made me roll my eyes a bit. I could wish she had talked a bit about trans issues, or gone a bit more into issues of violence against women. Also, the book is very Wiccan. I felt somewhat excluded as a pagan, folks who aren't pagan would probably find that even more true.
Still, this is a cut above the other body-image books. It doesn't assume you hate your body quite as much as other books on this topic do, and it's pretty light-hearted and easy to read. Four stars. This would be a great book to read and discuss with a group of women.
ETA: I will probably post more about the latter book in my femme filter.
For those who are familiar with Boyd's work, this second book is much in the spirit of My Husband Betty, but with a narrower focus. Here, Boyd chooses to zero in on her relationship with her husband and the challenges that she and Betty face in trying to deal with Betty's transness. I continue to be frustrated by the way Boyd extrapolates her own experiences out to other partners of trans folks. I realize that her partner being trans is very difficult for her, and she does try to say that it's not that way for everyone. But I still noticed it, especially when she wrote that all partners of transfolk and crossdressers must reevaluate their own genders and sexual orientations. I think it's less problematic for people who already consider themselves queer and polyamorous and view gender as a complex process rather than a binary. But maybe it's just that I've been dating transfolk for a really long time - my second serious relationship was with one.
More generally, I didn't think that this book was as strong as the first one. The first one was strengthened greatly by Boyd's quotes from the experiences of other transfolk and their partners. The second has terrific footnotes - the book is worth reading just for them - but is much more centered in Boyd's own experiences, even though there's not a ton of new material there. The first book got five stars but this one only gets three. It's still worth reading, if you want to find out what the "next chapter" of the story is.
The Body Sacred by Dianne Sylvan is a book for women about body image, written from a pagan perspective. I read it in chunks, so that I would have time to think through each new idea. Much of what is in this book is basic and you've probably heard a lot of it before. What sets this book apart are the quotes, excercises, and chapter notes. Sylvan includes quotes from both famous people and women she interviewed about their body image. Excercises range from practical suggestions to guided visualizations. Most can be done alone, a few are for use with a circle, group of women, or partner. I liked them a lot and hope to try them out.
I felt that some of the assumptions in this book were a little too easy. It's a book for women, but Sylvan never talks about different options for gender expression (beyond encouraging you to wear what makes you feel fabulous). The excercise where she tries to get you to visualize what it might be like to be attracted to someone of the same gender also made me roll my eyes a bit. I could wish she had talked a bit about trans issues, or gone a bit more into issues of violence against women. Also, the book is very Wiccan. I felt somewhat excluded as a pagan, folks who aren't pagan would probably find that even more true.
Still, this is a cut above the other body-image books. It doesn't assume you hate your body quite as much as other books on this topic do, and it's pretty light-hearted and easy to read. Four stars. This would be a great book to read and discuss with a group of women.
ETA: I will probably post more about the latter book in my femme filter.
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 12:27 am (UTC)in my defense: i pointed out umpteen times that i was speaking primarily from the experience of an F who is with an MTF, & that i am *not* even trying to attempt all partners' experiences, & that i specifically, & out of respect, don't talk much about FTM/partner issues. that's in various footnotes & the intro, the note from the author in the beginning.
ironic or not, i got "in trouble" with my pubs for not writing a memoir last time. this time i did, but then people feel frustrated because i didn't write an overview more like MHB. you can't please all the people all the time, i suppose: but still - thanks for reading.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 03:20 am (UTC)you have one of the most fascinating profiles i think i've ever read. & happy may day.
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Date: 2007-05-07 01:58 pm (UTC)http://lady-anemone.livejournal.com/109087.html
Thanks for the lovely compliment on my profile! :) I sure do appreciate it.
I think we met a few years ago at Dark Odyssey - I went to your Trans Sexualities workshop. I hope our paths will cross again. :)