QOTD

[snugglekitty]

"Intimacy makes you possessive."

True or false?

Comments

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

False. A situation that is/feels intimate can lead to possessiveness, sure, I suppose.

[lady-anemone.livejournal.com]

Can you say more about your distinction?

[watercolorblue.livejournal.com]

Not necessarily true. This statement depends on many conditions, and is sometimes true, but in many situations it's false.

[catya.livejournal.com]

maybe intimacy + insecurity = ...

[purplepathos.livejournal.com]

False. Insecurity and desire for control make a person possessive.

[wired-lizard.livejournal.com]

False with people. The more time I spend around an object and the more emotional or spiritual energy I put into it, the more possessive I get. But false with people.

[jacflash.livejournal.com]

Fear of loss leads to possessiveness, no? Certainly as intimacy grows, and thus the value of the partnership grows, the fears can grow as well.

False.

[elkor.livejournal.com]

Intimacy makes me protective.

[kahoki.livejournal.com]

It seems like intimacy would lead to a feeling of intitlement, though possessiveness would depend on the dynamic of the relationship.

[heresiarch.livejournal.com]

i think it can lead to feelings of possessiveness, but that doesn't justify giving in to those feelings. rather they should be examined -- why does intimacy instigate feelings of ownership? how are our ideas of personhood and self tied up with ideas about belonging and property?

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Sure!

"Intimacy leads to possessiveness": It will happen. That is, intimate feelings lead to possessive feelings. I do not think that's true.

"Intimacy can lead to possessiveness": It might happen. So, intimate feelings might lead to possessive feelings. Sure. Possessiveness often grows out of closeness and a desire to never ever ever lose someone.

"A situation that is/feels intimate can lead to possessiveness": This phrasing is partly because I think sometimes people read intimacy into a situation when they're not really that close, just infatuated, and partly because I think the word "intimacy" is overloaded and often means refers to sexual activity rather than emotional closeness. I think that "intimate" has less of that sexual connotation, to me, so I prefer it.

Basically, I think we're to some degree socialized to react to "I don't want to lose person X" with "I must be possessive of person X", and that's the problem. I just don't think it's a *given* by any stretch of the imagination.