snugglekitty (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
snugglekitty) wrote2008-03-15 12:02 pm
snugglekitty) wrote2008-03-15 12:02 pm
femme question from bossym
You identify as femme, right? How do you define femme-ness? Does femme mean something different from feminine, womanly, or ladylike?
I do identify as femme. Personally, I define femme-ness as femininity chosen consciously rather than by default. I see femininity as following the dictates of what a woman ought to dress and act like, according to the rules of our society. With femmeninity, you get to pick and choose what parts you want to keep and what parts you want to toss out. I don't know what womanly really means, since I see gender as constructed, not innate. Ladylike has strong patriarchal connotations for me, about being "put together" - always calm, in control, no runs in your stockings, deferring to other people's feelings - so I'm less interested in that.
Maya Angelou's poem "Phenomenal Woman" speaks to me a lot about what I think of femme as being. Yes, I like to wear short skirts and makeup, and I wear my hair long. But that's not what it's really about - it's about who I am, believing that I am pretty and desirable because I'm beautiful inside, and finding ways to let that express itself in my dress and my actions.
I also see choosing your gender in an intentional way as a radical act. Using the word "femme" to describe my gender, where I can, is part of that. I feel that the fact I choose to express myself in a feminine way says more about who I am and how I like to be treated than the fact that I have breasts and a cunt. I feel kinship with genderqueer and trans folk, although the reasons may not be obvious to strangers that see me just a woman who dresses in feminine clothes. That is one of the challenges I find in being femme - it can be invisible. I want the same people I feel kinship with to see me and have a sense that I am performing gender rather than just following the herd, I want the cute butch I flirt with at the bus station to know that I'm not just being friendly. Often it doesn't work out that way. (Maybe I need sparkly mascara? Or over-the-top accessories that might make it more obvious that I don't take any of this fashion stuff too seriously?) But I get a lot of comfort from knowing that my outside presentation matches the way I feel inside, from lipstick to barettes to combat boots.
Do you identify as femme,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bossym? How would you respond to the questions you just asked me?
I do identify as femme. Personally, I define femme-ness as femininity chosen consciously rather than by default. I see femininity as following the dictates of what a woman ought to dress and act like, according to the rules of our society. With femmeninity, you get to pick and choose what parts you want to keep and what parts you want to toss out. I don't know what womanly really means, since I see gender as constructed, not innate. Ladylike has strong patriarchal connotations for me, about being "put together" - always calm, in control, no runs in your stockings, deferring to other people's feelings - so I'm less interested in that.
Maya Angelou's poem "Phenomenal Woman" speaks to me a lot about what I think of femme as being. Yes, I like to wear short skirts and makeup, and I wear my hair long. But that's not what it's really about - it's about who I am, believing that I am pretty and desirable because I'm beautiful inside, and finding ways to let that express itself in my dress and my actions.
I also see choosing your gender in an intentional way as a radical act. Using the word "femme" to describe my gender, where I can, is part of that. I feel that the fact I choose to express myself in a feminine way says more about who I am and how I like to be treated than the fact that I have breasts and a cunt. I feel kinship with genderqueer and trans folk, although the reasons may not be obvious to strangers that see me just a woman who dresses in feminine clothes. That is one of the challenges I find in being femme - it can be invisible. I want the same people I feel kinship with to see me and have a sense that I am performing gender rather than just following the herd, I want the cute butch I flirt with at the bus station to know that I'm not just being friendly. Often it doesn't work out that way. (Maybe I need sparkly mascara? Or over-the-top accessories that might make it more obvious that I don't take any of this fashion stuff too seriously?) But I get a lot of comfort from knowing that my outside presentation matches the way I feel inside, from lipstick to barettes to combat boots.
Do you identify as femme,
bossym? How would you respond to the questions you just asked me?